더블 퀘스쳔/some children spend/ positive or negative.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0JJHbByTYis&t=258s&ab_channel=LilieIELTS 

How to develop body paragrhaps.

스마트폰 너무 많이쓴다.

why is this the case? either one or two reasons.

 이유 2개대고싶으면 바디에 2개써서넣어라.

한개의 아이디어만해라. ?

explanation 한포인트만해라. listing items는 좋지않다.  also, moreover, furthermre 쓰지마라. introducing a new idea가아니잖아

user engagement

 

only one point and good progression. 한포인트를 얼마나 구체적으로 설명할수있는가

collect data -> anaylze data - > personalized postings. 

user behavior -> engagement, and search history

 

paragraph 1

 

Social media algorithms are extremely good at providing people with content that will hold their attention.

They track user engagement and use machine learning to analyze the data gathered. In this approach,

they can offer users an endless stream of postings optimize to keep their interest

->

They track user behavior like search history and engagment and use machine learning to analyze the data gathered.

In this approach, they can offer users an endless stream of postings optimize to keep their interest.Since children tend to lack self-control, they may be unable to resist those personalized posts and wind up wasting too much time on their phones

   

 

Paragraph 2.

 

Do you think this is a positive or negative? negative 로 설명.-> becasue it can harm mental health.

 Unfortunately, this should be seen as a negative developement -> 이유가없다 이유를대라. give areason.

->Unfortunately, hours of phone time every day can harm children's mental heatlh.

Perfectly filtered pictures and staged videos on social media create an unrealistic world for children scrolling through their feeds. Consuming too much content like this may make them unhappy with who they are.( Consider the body image issues that instagram has caused in teenage girls. After seeing post after post of fitness influencers who appear to have perfect lives and bodies, some adolescent girls may find it very difficult to refrain from comparing themselves to those influencerrs. It is not surprising that so many start worrying about their physical attractiveness)

 

post after post of fitness influencers  -> filted pictures and staged videos.

 

unhappy with who they are -> worrying about their physical attractiveness.하.. 이ㅓ거 문장구성하는것도 어렵네.

 

filtered pictures, staged videos.-> unhappy는  너무 general함. unhappy 머가 unhappy?

 

 

Introduction.

 

paraphrase

Children and teenagers 로 쓰는게 더 좋다. children은 아이. teenagers 같이 넣어주는게 좋음.

 

Some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative developement?

->

Children and teenagers use their phones for hours each day. This, in my opinion, results from social media platforms'

exceptional ability to keep user's attention. It should be viewd as a negative development because it can be harmful to children's mental health.

 

 

Conclusion-> state our opinion again breifly

 

In conclusion, some children spend a large amount of time on their phones every day because social media constantly presents them with content designed to keep their attention. Sadly, this may take a toll on their mental health.

 

take a toll -> have a bad efffect.

 

one reason -> create progression.